I didn’t want this blog post to turn into a new year themed post, or a ‘welcome 2013’ post. My intention is more to excuse the lack of posts for the past few weeks, and lag in posts late this fall. I think I lost some momentum there with Kate having a very rough fall and suffering repeated episodes of inflammatory cascade coupled with cyclical vomiting resulting in a few hospitalizations. Then we headed to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, ON to meet with yet a new team of doctors who are investigating yet another line of inquiry into Kate’s rare disease. Emotional exhaustion set in, and when that happens to me I turtle (so to speak). I pull my head into it’s shell and shut down what I can that is superfluous in my life. The good news is that it helped. I brought things back to basics for me and released expectations of myself. I went into a sort of ‘cruise’ mode, concious that I needed some mental and physical recovery time.
And now here we are all at the very beginning of a new year, and I can’t help but plan a little (it’s in my nature) and make a few ‘resolutions’. My resolutions are more areas I plan to focus on, or ‘states’ of mind I will strive for in the coming year. They are less strict goal oriented. I need to be able to bend and flex to the variations in my life that occur day to day. I have a blogger friend who chooses – along with her family – a ‘Theme’ for the year as her resolution. I like that idea and I think I’ll copy if for myself this year. It also fits very well with a inspirational post I read the other day.
So my resolution theme for 2013 is to live with optimism and to promise myself inner strength so strong that nothing will disturb my desire to think of, work for and expect only the best.
Do you think it is a lofty resolution theme? Too lofty?
Without defeating my resolution theme before the year 2013 has really begun, I am aware that this will be a tough one to stay focussed on. I know that my expectation of ‘the best’ for 2013 will be challenged. And really what does ‘the best’ mean? I think it comes back to optimism, and the appeal for myself personally is the desire to see the good, to live the good, to know that there are always good things even in the face of things like worry, frustration and sadness. Those are energy draining emotions and my hope is that with living with a focussed theme on optimism and challenging myself to see the good even in difficult situations, I can keep those at bay with focussing on the good.
I know it won’t always be perfect. Resolutions never are. That is their nature. But I am not looking for perfection, I am looking to remind myself as often as I can to see the best in things – ‘sunny side’ as it were.
As with most – all – things in my life, I extend this thinking into my life as a mom with a medically fragile and special needs child. Kate will challenge my optimism, but she will also buoy it. I think I will gain a lot of strength from watching how she deals with the challenges life hands her. I know I will learn to be more optmistic by emulating how she greets the challenges of each day.